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22/03/2004, 3:05 PM BBU Joined on 06/10/2003 Posts 942 Re: Joke of the day.......... Someone broke into Carrow road trophy room and stole everything Police are looking for someone with a green and yellow carpet.     BBU - not big and certainly not clever    Report

28/03/2004, 10:29 PM rupert Joined on 22/08/2003 Posts 1,964 Re: Joke of the day.......... A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband No.1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be," she said. "Husband No. 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. "Husband No. 3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband No. 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband No. 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. "Husband No. 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband No. 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband No. 8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. "Husband No. 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband No. 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. .....God I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" said the bride. "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!" Rupert    Report

29/03/2004, 4:58 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... Found out the other day that my mate Harry has just died. Harry was a very socially conscious man and took in all the safety advice that was on offer. He alway wore something white if he walked the Norfolk lanes at night. He went out a few weeks ago with his usual attire, White hat, white coat, white scarf, white trousers, white socks, white shoes - he got run over by a snow plough The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

29/03/2004, 7:13 PM rupert Joined on 22/08/2003 Posts 1,964 Re: Joke of the day.......... Speeding, was it? Rupert    Report

29/03/2004, 7:46 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... >>Speeding, was it? << Don't know. Perhaps you could get the font of all knowledge with regard to speeding and reckless driving, 'the rotating slow deviation', to answer that one. The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

31/03/2004, 4:23 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,722 Re: Joke of the day.......... The Blonde Guy An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."    Report

31/03/2004, 6:23 PM rupert Joined on 22/08/2003 Posts 1,964 Re: Joke of the day.......... Politically correct Matty :-) ? What nationality was this blond guy? Rupert    Report

31/03/2004, 6:24 PM rupert Joined on 22/08/2003 Posts 1,964 Re: Joke of the day.......... He wasn't a N**fie, by any chance? Rupert    Report

01/04/2004, 4:49 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,722 Re: Joke of the day.......... Just to treat the fairer the sex the same way, and as you all know I am "getting on " as they say. There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife , " Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 whole years." Yeah," she replied. " Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at the breakfast table together." " I know " the old man said, " We were sitting her naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." " Well " Granny snickered, " What do you say, - should we get naked ? " Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. " You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, " My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be a bit surprised, " replied Gramps. " One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeall !!!!!! Or as three old friends quote on a regular basis. My breasts have a mind of their own. When I stand up they both want to look in my navel, and then when I lay down they both get shy and try to hide under my armpits. Now I guess I'm politically correct Rupert - took the juice out of both sexes. Have a good day chaps.    Report

01/04/2004, 9:45 AM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... From today's EDP Norfolk is to get a new crack police squad with a roving brief to tackle crime hotspots. Senior officers are currently drawing up plans for the 28-officer team, which will be used to beef up the police presence across the county. The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

01/04/2004, 9:56 AM Budgie Joined on 16/08/2003 Cromer Posts 1,060 Re: Joke of the day.......... So this farmer at Weybourne was working in the fields when he spotted a man leaning against the fence - wearing a ten-gallon hat. He watched him all morning. The farmer approached him. 'Can I 'elp yoo saar?' 'I was a'wonderin,' said the man, who was obviously a Texan. 'jus' how big your spread was?' 'Well, it goes three fields that way to the village; two fields down to the clifftop; another two fields up to them thar woods; and two fields towards Sheringham.' 'Back home,' said the Texan, 'I can get in my car at 8 in the morning and it takes me 24 hours to drive round my ranch!' 'Yus,' came the reply, 'I once had a car like that!' budgie I might look darf but I ain't stuput!    Report

01/04/2004, 10:04 PM Raven Joined on 17/02/2004 East of Norwich, just! Posts 681 Re: Joke of the day.......... Well, given that Political Correctness has gone out of the window...... (good!!!!) Two Palestinian women walking through an Israeli checkpoint. One turns to the other and says : "'Ere, Trace, does my bomb look big in this"........... Raven SELECT * from USERS where CLUE > 0 : Returned 0 results.    Report

02/04/2004, 11:16 AM Dek Joined on 15/08/2003 Norwich Posts 1,061 Re: Joke of the day.......... Nice `pair` Matty , The wife just called through and yelled "What are you laughing at ?" I`ll have to go and tell her......keep them coming! Laugh, and the wife laughs with you. Snore and you`ll sleep alone.    Report

02/04/2004, 6:03 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,722 Re: Joke of the day.......... Here's another ' pair ' Dek. Hitting both genders again. An elderly couple were sitting together watching television. During a commercial, the husband asked his wife. " Whatever happened to our sexual relations? ". After a long and thoughtful silence and during the next commercial, the wife replied, " You know, I really don't know. I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year." [ Now if you knock the wife with that one, you have to tell this one as well to be fair.] A chicken and and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on it's face. The egg, looking a bit p**** d off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says, " Well, I guess we finally know the answer to THAT question"! And I should say 90% of my jokes arrive regularly from females. Some of them hide it well. But we all have a good laugh to start the day.    Report

03/04/2004, 8:20 PM Derek Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 1,876 Re: Joke of the day.......... Dyslexic/surrealist comment on the quality of modern life: "Carp". It's been one of those weeks... Derek snafu - but by design    Report

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