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21/10/2005, 5:11 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 RE: Joke of the day.......... Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States." The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

22/10/2005, 9:59 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... Matty, that was so funny Sorry, if you took offence Kenneth. Just ask the team to delete it and I am sure they will. Absolutely no offence to the Brazillian population was intended I can assure you.  Political correctness is difficult to determine at times.  Matty.    Report

22/10/2005, 10:36 AM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 RE: Joke of the day.......... Matty, I thought it was brilliant. It only went to show what an apparent gonzo he is. I was going to put a link on here to a clip of the glorious man in action but unfortunately it seems as if it has been blocked by the American authorities. The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

22/10/2005, 11:54 AM Lynda Joined on 22/03/2004 Norwich Posts 2,581 RE: Joke of the day.......... Another from Google:- Go into Google - type "Failure" click UK sites/I'm feeling lucky. When you have finished laughing at realising the subject of the resulting webpage I suggest reading the article!   You will laugh again!!! Lynda  Technology is great when it works.    Report

23/10/2005, 1:03 PM kenneth Joined on 14/08/2003 Posts 1,105 RE: Joke of the day.......... Actually, Matty, I did think it was funny - I said it was funny. Why would you think I did not think it was funny?    Report

23/10/2005, 1:09 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 RE: Joke of the day.......... Thought you might like this one Matty. George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob". "And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, where is "Bob?" The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

23/10/2005, 2:00 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 RE: Joke of the day.......... A boy about 13 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened dead frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of"a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it. " The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases? " Of course the Madam said"No". He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the second room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam,and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others? " He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk,have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, .and HE's the ******* who ran over my FROG! The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

23/10/2005, 8:33 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... Surely glad you didn't take offence Kenneth.  Over here when the smilies are reveresed it means " Funny, that was not ". I do wonder what the man must think though with the recent spate of jokes, what with Rove, Liddy, and the contractors down south. .  Some I have had lately I could not put on the forum and I consider myself pretty liberal when it comes to jokes, and a very large proportion of mine come from the good old US of A.. Matty    Report

03/11/2005, 8:52 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."  Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, (well maybe not) and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123;" and suddenly he becomes more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"  Matty    Report

07/11/2005, 9:41 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... This one arrived just today from friends who actually are Newfies. Two Newfies walk into a pet shop. They go directly over to the  bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."  The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.  "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere," says  Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag."   The clerk puts the budgies in a bag, and the two guys pay for  the birds and leave the shop.  They get into Gerry's van and drive to Come-By-Chance until they are  high up on a hill, and stop at the top of a cliff with a  500-foot drop.  "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry.  He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders  and jumps  off the cliff.  Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for  a few seconds, before he hits the rocks below with a 'SPLAT!'.  As Paddy looks down he shakes his head and says, "xxxxxxxxx.... dat, dis budgie  jumpin' is too xxxxxxx dangerous fer me." Matty    Report

08/11/2005, 11:40 AM Dek Joined on 15/08/2003 Norwich Posts 1,061 RE: Joke of the day.......... The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew... "They won't let me fart.">> Laugh, and the wife laughs with you. Snore and you`ll sleep alone.    Report

11/11/2005, 9:13 AM Lynda Joined on 22/03/2004 Norwich Posts 2,581 RE: Joke of the day.......... Q.     What goes round a light at 150 mph? A.      Stirling Moth. Lynda  Technology is great when it works.    Report

11/11/2005, 2:42 PM kenneth Joined on 14/08/2003 Posts 1,105 RE: Joke of the day..........  Q.     What goes round a light at 150 mph? A.      Stirling Moth. Groan    Report

11/11/2005, 11:44 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... An man walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pul- ling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."   The waiter says, "Sure thing, coming right up."   He gets the man a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out of the place!   The next morning the man returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee!"   The waiter says, "Whoa, mister! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck is all this about, anyway?"   The man smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."   Matty        Report

14/11/2005, 8:58 AM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,789 RE: Joke of the day.......... >> >> >> >> Singing in the Church>> A minister decided to do something>> a little different one Sunday morning.>> He said, "Today, in church,>> I am going to say a single word    Report    Page 28 of 50 (747 items) « First ... < 26 27 28 29 30 > ... Last » EDP24 Forums » EDP24 General » News » Joke of the day.......... (Quick links) Forums Home |- Search Forums |- Active Topics |- Unanswered Posts User Options |- Sign In |- Join this community |- Forgot Password EDP24 General |- Announcement |- News |- Sport |-- Bowls |-- Golf |-- Horses |-- Cycling |-- Tennis |-- Sailing |-- Local football |-- King's Lynn FC |-- Speedway |-- Cricket |-- Boxing |-- Rugby |-- Hockey |-- Angling |-- Motorsport |- Favourite East Anglian book |- Community Noticeboard |- User Polls |- EDP Event magazine - Your Reviews |-- Music - Next Big Thing |---- 2004 |---- 2005 |---- 2006 |---- Band promotion EDP24 Features |- Norfolk's Big Quit |- Arts, Antiques and Collectables |- EDP Book Club |- Norfolk Equestrian |- Frontline - forces forum |- Memories |- Reunion |-- ExPats |-- Workplace |-- Forces |-- Friends & Neighbours |-- Schools |-- Family History and Local Connections |- Spooky Norfolk |- Shop Here |- Support your pub

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