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11/03/2004, 7:58 PM grumpy Joined on 16/02/2004 Posts 85 Re: Joke of the day.......... The doctor said to the lady, "I'm afraid you have a fungal toe infection" "Is it serious,?" asked the lady. "Well!" said the doctor, "I have good news, and bad news" "Whats the good news?", asked the lady. "Its edible", replied the doctor.    Report

12/03/2004, 11:21 AM BBU Joined on 06/10/2003 Posts 942 Re: Joke of the day.......... Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."     BBU - not big and certainly not clever    Report

12/03/2004, 11:26 AM BBU Joined on 06/10/2003 Posts 942 Re: Joke of the day.......... And just to wake Ambrose up: Q. What's the similarity between illegal immigrants and sperm? A. Thousands of the buggers get in but only one of ‘em works.     BBU - not big and certainly not clever    Report

12/03/2004, 11:47 AM BBU Joined on 06/10/2003 Posts 942 Re: Joke of the day.......... In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"     BBU - not big and certainly not clever    Report

12/03/2004, 1:46 PM Keith Gerrard Joined on 14/08/2003 Posts 1,589 Re: Joke of the day.......... Reminds me of that old buffalo joke. For those that havnt heard it before:- Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison. Answer: You cant wash your hands in a buffalo. :o    Report

12/03/2004, 6:40 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,720 Re: Joke of the day.......... A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house yelling to his wife: Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery ! All 5 million of it. Woooohoooo ! That's great sweetie ! she replies, "Do I pack for the beach or for the mountains ". " I don't really care , " he replies, " Just ...... off ! "    Report

12/03/2004, 7:41 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,720 Re: Joke of the day.......... Had to share this one ! Just arrived. A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, " Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife ? " He answers, " You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's soooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own....... so does she."    Report

12/03/2004, 8:09 PM grumpy Joined on 16/02/2004 Posts 85 Re: Joke of the day.......... "Now class" said the teacher "I would like you to give me a word which means the same as nice" "Pleasant" said one "Tasty" said another. Both got nods of approval from the teacher. "Indifferent", proclaimed Jimmy. "Indifferent", asked the teacher. "How on earth, does that mean the same as nice". "Well", said Jimmy. "I was walking passed my sisters bedroom, when I heard her say, to Roger(her boyfriend)". "Ummm, that was nice", and Roger said, "Yes, it was indifferent"......    Report

17/03/2004, 3:19 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... A VIP was being shown round an Edinburgh hospital. Towards the end of his visit he was shown to a ward of patients with no obvious signs of injury. Greeting the patient in the first bed the chap replies “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face. Great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race.” Being somewhat confused the VIP grins and moves on to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies “Some hae meat, and canna eat. And some wad eat that want it. But we hae meat, and we can eat. Sae the Lord be thankit.” The next patient starts rattling off as follows “Wee sleek it, cow’ in, timorous wee beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle!” The VIP turned to the doctor accompanying him and asks “Is this the psychiatric ward” “No,” replies the doctor, “It’s the serious Burns unit.” The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

17/03/2004, 8:14 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,720 Re: Joke of the day.......... Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old grand daughter and beeped his horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said " I did that by accident". She replied " I know that, Grandpa ". He replied " How do you know ? " She said, "Because you didn't say ' ass... le", afterwards. And appropriate for today. Politicians and nappies or diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. Matty.    Report

17/03/2004, 9:09 PM rupert Joined on 22/08/2003 Posts 1,964 Re: Joke of the day.......... Ambrose's thread about Spam reminded me of this one: Bill Clinton and Al Gore were in a restaurant a few years ago and the waitress came up to take their order: Bill said: "I'd like a quickie.' The waitress smacked him around the face and stalked off... "What did I do?" Bill asked Al "Well, Bill," said Al "I think it's pronounced 'keesh'. " Rupert    Report

19/03/2004, 10:37 AM BBU Joined on 06/10/2003 Posts 942 Re: Joke of the day.......... Just for the moderators: The new spirit called "entendre'" is becoming increasingly popular. Ask the barman for a double and he will doubtless give you one.     BBU - not big and certainly not clever    Report

19/03/2004, 3:59 PM Matty Joined on 29/01/2004 Vancouver Island, Canada Posts 1,720 Re: Joke of the day.......... A blonde said " I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid. and... Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion ". Joe. "Really." Moe> " Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."    Report

21/03/2004, 5:44 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... Going back to very, very old jokes and with all the threads regarding the plod who can remember *What's the difference between a hedgehog and a police car? The hedgehog has it's p***ks on the outside* The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

22/03/2004, 1:06 PM Delboy Joined on 15/08/2003 Posts 5,089 Re: Joke of the day.......... "Why is it not possible to get a hot drink at Old Trafford? Simple, all the mugs are on the pitch and the cups are at Highbury!" Don't have a go at me as I am no supporter of the Gooners. The EXPERT knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing .    Report

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