Little puddles...

It's now the end of August, 2 months since I came back from New York where I had the 'SpeechEasy' device fitted to ease my severe stammer.  I can remember so vividly my first day back at work.  Most of us can relate to the feeling of dread at the prospect of going back to work after having a fantastic holiday, but this felt different, because I felt different.  I did not know the Heidi who did not stammer as much, who did not take as long to get her words out.  What would people think and how would people respond?

I need not have worried, the people who knew me the best were more interested in finding out what New York was like rather than asking about my speech.  This surprised me, for something that was at the fore front of my mind, people almost forgot to ask.  I don't for one minute think it was out of rudelness but perhaps this part of me, my stammer, was of little importance to them.  When I brought up the SpeechEasy device people immediately brought up the dramatic impact it had on my speech.  For those who knew me less well, I only had to say "how are you?" without stammering for them to throw their arms around me and express their pleasure at the success of the device. 

But ofcourse I still stammer, always will, but 99% of the time it is less of a struggle.  The stammers are little puddles to hop over rather than great rivers to wade through.  I wear the 'SpeechEasy' device about 8-9 hours a day.  I usually take it out for one full day per week  I take it out because I do still have to work at my speech when I am waering the device, and sometimes I just can't be bothered!  I have to tune into it throughout the day and actively listen to the little voice in my left ear.  I still practice daily - morning and evening.  There are times when life gets in the way, the pressure of the situation or the background noise is too great for the speech system in my brain to cope with, and I do slip back into those life long habits of struggling and pushing through each word. 

In general, it's nice to arrive home from work with my body feeling relaxed knowing that I haven't spent the day contorting my face and upper body, struggling to speak.  Actually now I love talking more than ever (my friends found it difficult to shut me up in the past!  Now its impossible!!!!!!)  In the last month I've joined a speakers club to try to improve my public speaking skills and the other day I decided to return to my doctoral course in Clinical Psychology next term.  Life is good x x x