Learning a new language
How can I accurately describe the amazing experiences I’ve had in the last few days?
On Monday I picked up my very own ‘SpeechEasy’ device. Almost as soon as the battery was inserted, I felt the struggle of speaking quite literally lift from my shoulders. The enormity of it did not hit me straight away. I can remember that it was only after about 15 minutes – when a single stammer hadn’t crept in that I broke down in tears and realized for the first time in my life I didn’t have to actively try to get my words out. My body felt relaxed and I noticed that I had sunk into the back of the chair. My speech could keep up with my thoughts.
The experience in John’s (Speech Pathologist) office was unnerving. I slept erratically that night for thoughts of what this new device could mean for me.
Tuesday was a very odd day. As strange as it may seem I couldn’t quite believe the events of the previous day and believe in the power of the tiny device. Surely enough it worked almost as perfectly over breakfast when I was chatting to my Dad. It was only later when I started to get out into the hustle and bustle of the real world that my speech started to break down. I suppose it was a combination of factors – I couldn’t put 100% concentration into my speech (New York is noisy, fast and crazy!), self consciousness (how do I come across when I am speaking fluently?), and perhaps most importantly I’ve had 21 years practice of stammering and one afternoon of fluency!
Today (Wednesday) I am finding it easier. My confidence in the device is growing. Even though the effect at times feels effortless, I have to learn to keep tuned into the device and concentrate on modifying any stammers as they appear.
I feel like I have to learn to speak another language (the language of fluency), that I have had little experience in using. I suppose I just have to have faith in myself that I will become more accustomed to and comfortable with the delights that this new language will bring.